Day 14

I slept like a rock last night and woke up rested which was nice. I’m starting to get used to this but the cravings are definitely still there. I really messed up when i changed my mindset of drinking in my early 20’s. There was a time where i was consistently saying, “If you are going to sit around watching TV and doing nothing, you may as well do it with booz.” After that it went downhill. 

I want to stay sober but my brain is also trying to justify having a couple beers when mom leaves today for groceries, as that is one of my biggest triggers. I just deleted the Uber rider app just in case, but i know i can get through it today

Yesterday was a pretty big win for me. All the other times i have actually managed to go a day or 3 sober (which has happened 3 times in the last year), i break when i go to play pool with Matt. I did not break yesterday. I had to go to hannaford with liquor, drive by my usual liquor stop for sunday pool, and stop at another to grab smokes. I probably should not have done all that, its like im trying to prove that i can control the cravings with all of 13 days sober. “I can walk into a store without buying booz so i have it under control, so i can have a few on sundays.” So that then i dont feel bad when i drink again. BUT that drink wont stop there and 3 months from that drink i will be broke, foggy, feeling like shit, and then dead, in jail, or in rehab which i cannot afford. 

The next drink will cost $15k. Until i have that to throw away, i need to be disciplined. Think of it this way, every day i spend sober and work through it with myself, friends and family, i am saving $357 PER DAY compared to rehab. That should be a great motivator. 

Either way, i am proud of myself for staying sober yesterday, and i will stay sober today.