Day 13

Last night was a tough one. As soon as i layed down to sleep my brain went into a spiral of things that ive screwed up, then spent a bunch of time comparing myself to Tuller, getting mad at him for his perfect life. this was a bad way of thinking so i looked at what he did differently than myself in college and realize that its all my fault. he is not smarter than myself, he just made lots of better decisions. I should kbe happy for him not jealous. I am going to have to work on that for sure.

Either way, last night was rough. I need to accept that my life did not, and will not turn out how i pplanned it to, and there is nothing i can do to change the past. Its embarassing, and completely my fault. having said that, making better decisions will be completely my fault as well.

Having said that, i didnt really exercise yesteray and only did about 4 hours in comptia, so im pretty sure that played a part in the emotions.

lets check out betterhelp at some point and get some prices for therapy.

To-Do list: Stay Sober!

file work search for unemployment

Comptia tests till noon

get the boat out and cleaned up (this means that i will have to drive over there and the freedom to stop and get a beer. I will be ok due to the fear of the road i will be going down)