Day 16
Okay, first thing is first today. Congratulations to myself for having two full weeks of sobriety. Thats a huge milestone and i should have celebrated it yesterday. I think i didnt realize it for a couple of reasons; one is that i dont feel like i am “white-knuckling”, trying to just get to the next milestone like that will be the end of the journey. Since i have 100% accepted that there is no end to this, the milestones dont really seem to mean as much. However, i should make them occasions to celebrate myself at points along the journey, there is nothing wrong with that and will probably help me keep the motivation and more importantly, the discipline. I think the second reason that i didnt celebrate it is because it was a positive thing in my life. When things are going well i get anxious. I have known this for years now and it really does affect me.
Now that i have put this on paper, yesterday makes a little more sense to me. On top of waking up tired, i decided to smoke pot first thing in the morning and hardly got anything done all day. Then by the time it was time for bed, i felt like a loser for not getting anything done so i couldnt fall asleep and when i did, i had strange dreams of trying different things to fix an issue and none would work and i would wake up. I was scatterbrained when i did sit down to study, even ended up going to bed with a damn headache.
Soooo………i do not want to have another day like that.
Causes:
Definitely no weed until 8p today but i am very curious what my brain feels like after a few days with no booz OR weed. (i am considering taking a quarter pill of adderall to help with the motivation but i think i will save that)
I ate like shit yesterday. It was a perfect cycle to not get shit done. Smoke, eat junk, repeat. Not something that makes you feel good at the end of the day.
Solutions:
Dont smoke pot until after your shit is done
Understand that you dont work evening shift anymore. This means the mornings are no longer for play, and the evening for work. The work needs to happen in the morning, not vice versa.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ this will not be easy but it starts today!
Accomplishing these goals in this order will make me feel great by the end of the day today.
Hey Mike! Notice that none of this requires you digging a ditch, carrying a sack of rice up a mountain, or packing fish. Nothing on your to-do list is difficult SO DONT BE A PUSSY!!